In the clinic or hospital, few things are optional… sometimes negotiation is part of the menu, but very often it ends up in an imposed treatment on the child and a traumatic experience. Prepare your child taking into account the other preparation capsules (5 Senses Rule, Validation) and only give options when there is really a choice; for the rest use clear phrases like “your job is…” or “it’s time to”… yes, this means NOT ASKING QUESTIONS WHEN THERE IS NOT REALLY A CHANCE TO RESPECT THE CHILD’S “YES” OR “NO”.

For example, when it is time to give a medicine, try: “Now is the time for the medicine. Your job is to take it.” In this particular case, there may be a realistic choice between the way we give the medicine (small glass, a syringe, a spoon), even who gives it (father, mother, nurse, the child himself)… But the deal remains the same: the medicine has to be taken, there is no room for negotiation. And we have to stick to the plan. The child will cooperate, or sometimes not, but either way he or she will not be frustrated by the fact that a question is asked (we will now take the medicine).

“Children think very logically… If we ask the child “Do you want to take the medicine”, the child understands that we are asking him/her… “

Children think very logically… If we ask the child “Do you want to take the medicine?” or “It’s time for the medicine, OK?”), the child understands that we are asking him/her… so, in his/her logical mind he/she can choose the answer YES or NO. The child will often say NO, and then when we still proceed and have to impose the medicine… the child will not only be unhappy with the medicine, but above all will be frustrated because he or she no longer understands the world (since the adult had just asked the child something and has not respected his or her answer).

A possible formulation would be: “Marc, now is the time for the medicine, your job is to take it now and then we can do something fun”. With this formulation we are more likely to have the child put on “automatic pilot” and take his medicine without much thought. If, despite an appropriate formulation (no question mark), the child does not want to take the medicine, it would be very important to validate the fact by saying: “I understand what you are saying Marc, you don’t want the medicine, but you have to take it, there is no other option here. Instead you can choose where you prefer to take it, in the kitchen or in your room…? Stick to the plan and in most cases the child will cooperate.

Why is it important in the case of operations?
I once had a 10-year-old patient who was very concerned about anesthesia. After talking to him for a while, he told me that he was afraid because he was not sure if he would be able to fall asleep and stay asleep during the whole operation, and he was distressed to think that if he woke up in the middle of the operation he would be in a lot of pain.

It is important that the child knows what his/her job is, in this case: “to breathe deeply into the mask”. Traditionally it is said “your job will be to sleep”… and it is, in my opinion, a very big mistake although based on good intentions. The child’s job is not to sleep, but to receive the medicine (it is the medicine administered by prick or mask that will make him/her sleep). It is also important to emphasize that the job of keeping him/her asleep during surgery is of the anesthesia, not his; this allowed him to relax and concentrate on “breathing deeply into his/her mask”.

“The child’s job is not to sleep, but to receive the medicine (the medicine given by spike or mask that will make him/her sleep). “

This technique is especially useful for children who often complain about not wanting to sleep. If we look, Children older than two years old usually stop wanting to nap, at night at bedtime they are very active and do not want to go to bed. In the case of surgery, if we continually put the focus on the “sleeping” part, the child will reveal himself more easily, since if he is already in an evolutionary phase where sleeping is no longer interesting, even less so if it is in the morning and he is not tired. Furthermore, he/she will be in an unfamiliar environment where what he/she needs is mainly “control”…and closing his/her eyes is quite incompatible with controlling 😉.

Let’s take an adult example: if someone were to put us on a plane without telling us our destination… when we landed, in spite of being very tired from the trip, the last thing we would think of would be to go to sleep, no, first we would look for the information on where we are, among other things, and when we had the necessary answers we could think about the possibility of sleeping.